Friday, July 29, 2011

Surrendering All?

Leading up to my little girls birthdays, which are one month and five days apart, you can probably expect lots of posts about them!
I just want to let you know about a personal struggle I have:
It started on September 10, 2008, the day my daughter was born. She was so little and sweet and precious. She seemed too helpless, and that I needed to protect her from everything. With that desire came fear. Fear that followed me everywhere I went. I woke several times to check that she was breathing. I woke her several times to check to see if she was breathing. Every time I allowed anyone else to care for her I was nervous. I still struggle to leave her for an hour or two with anyone, excepting her daddy, and she's nearly three.
Sometimes I thought this fear to be a blessing. I thought it would make me a better mom. I thought, "I can't stand to be away from my daughter for an hour, I must love her more than parents who leave their children everyday."
Of course, this was not only off base, but proud, self-righteous, and completely flawed logic. In fact, I was showing less love. The fact that I fret over my children's every move doesn't show strength as a mother, but weakness. It shows that I'm not surrendering my children to the Lord, which is the best thing a mother can do. If I did do this, then I would never worry over them, but trust the Lord, after all, he loves them much more than even I.
The Lord has been working on me in this area. Showing me the blessings of giving my children to Him, and I can tell you, it's wonderful! I have experienced so much more peace than I've known in nearly three years.
It's been difficult and a daily process. I still struggle to stop the belief that no one, even the Lord, can care for my children as I can. Most of the time this failing only brings stress, but after Tab's recent injury it brought great amounts of guilt. Stress I can live with, but guilt is another story entirely.
If you're a mother and you find that you can't leave your children with others, especially those you trust. (I usually only leave my girls with their grandmas, because they're free.) I challenge you to examine your heart, do you struggle with the same issue that I do?
My life verses are:

"For this child I prayed; and the Lord hath given me my petition which I asked of him: Therefore also I have lent him to the Lord; as long as he liveth he shall be lent to the Lord. And he worshipped the Lord there." - I Samuel 1:27 & 28

The second verse has always been my personal challenge to myself. That I should give my children to the Lord, but I'm afraid I've only heeded it in word rather than deed, primarily.
I'm so thankful that I can pray for my children and surrender the details of their lives to Him. He gives me peace and participates in their parenting when I do so! I'm not 100% where I want to be with this short coming, but with the prayers of my friends and the persistence of my Lord, perhaps one day I will be.

All to Jesus I surrender
All to Him I freely give.
I will ever love & trust Him,
In His presence daily live.
I surrender all,
I surrender all.
All to Thee my Blessed Savior.
I surrender all.


  1. I don't have kids, and according to my husband we won't have any for at least five more years, but I really like this post:)

  2. Thanks Rachel for the feedback. I'm sure that the theory of this is applicable to other areas of life. Personally, my struggle is my kids, they're what I hold back from the Lord most.